At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
