we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ketchup is God's man juice
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
