You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
