wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
