so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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