i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
