I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
