I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
