the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
