you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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