btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
