planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
