she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize