vagina is talking i cant
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
