I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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