It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
