If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
