What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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