carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
