I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
