Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
