I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
