come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
