dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
