Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
