Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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