i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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