if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
