Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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