i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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