he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
