She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
