What a fucking waste of an outfit
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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