I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
