Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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