my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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