I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
