Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
operation harelip BJ is a go
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
