Where is the hickey?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's never too late to be topless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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