I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
