you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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