we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
