yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is my gift to your gina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
