They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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