I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
True strength comes from lack of pants
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
