Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
