you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
