imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
