I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
