Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
