I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
