If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
