His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
