I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
