Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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