I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
