Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
