i permit you to call me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
