I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
