Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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