So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
