I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
