I want to have your abortion
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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