just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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