i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
