Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
