Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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