Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
