Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
