he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
