no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
