Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
