Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
