I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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